Fighting Fair

Fighting Fare...
This made me laugh; I looked up the definition to fighting and the first one read:
'a. To attempt to harm or gain power over an adversary by blows or with weapons."

"Luis, we're suppose to attempt to harm each other by blows or with weapons fairly!"

No that is not the definition we are suppose to use in this circumstance but I just wanted to share that. HA!

Last night we had dinner with friends and we started talking about fighting fair and we compared stories of how each one of us fights and how "good" we are at fighting fair. It's funny, our friends were saying how you could be doing so great at fighting fair and one bad move by one party and it's all down hill. Because really, if you're doing well and one person decides to break the rules, how can you maintain fairness? True.

For Luis and me, he will tell you with no hesitation that he is really bad at it. So for me, because he is so bad, I try my very hardest to maintain fairness; but as I think about it now, because I do that, I get to also use it against him when we talk about things later. For example: we're fighting. Even if he's right, because he blows up, I win because I don't. So, my question, is that fair? (probably not exactly).

Another funny thing, after we have resolved whatever the argument, I'll ask him what I can do to help him fight fair. He tells me to let him know in the midst of the argument to stop being mean, fighting unfair, etc. YEA RIGHT!
Here is a bad (and fake) example of that scenario...

Luis "Babe, you're dumb! You don't know what you're talking about. (slams door)"
Me (in extremely calm voice) "Luis, let's make sure we fight fair."
Luis "YOU'RE DUMB! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" (slams door).

Ok, now that is a really awful example but you get the picture. There is no way that will go over well.

So what's the secret? Practice makes better? That's really not that motivational though because who wants to motivate themselves by the idea that the more fights we have, the better we will be?

It's a tough question. I will be sure to let you know when I find the answer.

To be continued...